Loving Mirror!

It was their last day as husband and wife. Tomorrow they would meet in the court for final appearance and signature.

.... The memories just flashed by like a film. How much has life changed in these 8 years?  Thinking, she looked at the mirror. The mirror was very quiet, it did not want to discuss the stress lines and grey hairs she had grown... and that double chin too. The face had just been washed, so it could not differentiate between the water and the tears.. it did not want to also. It had started loving her, the way she was.

“Mummy”..”Mummy, aap kahan ho?” She quickly wiped her face and saw herself again in the mirror, there was something missing, something which made her face look very empty, she could not trace what it was. “ Mummyyy..”..”Coming beta” ..! She came out and suddenly, was taken aback. Chirag was with that same guy and little girl... How could this guy dare to come home like this, he did not even take my permission. Do they all think that I am available because I am alone and single;  so many thoughts cropped up in her mind within fraction of a second..

“I am sorry to have come like this”  He said politely. “Actually it was very late and he was standing alone, crying. I did not have your number. I waited and then I thought it was best to bring him home, he knows the way so well, he is smart..” he stopped to get an acknowledgment. She looked at the wall, the clock said it was 3 pm. She was half an hour late for Chirag’s bus stop.

“I don’t know how I missed the timing, it has never happened before. I am so sorry for the trouble. And, I am so thankful you brought him home.” She said hugging Chirag with tears in her eyes. She wanted to say more, but could not. Chirag was the only reason to live now, how could I miss his bus.. The guy just smiled and left.. Oh, I did not even ask him for a glass of water. He was sweating, it was very hot and humid, I could have atleast asked him to sit for some time under the fan... she said to herself realizing that he had already left with his daughter.

....

A week passed by. Mira Minhal was back to Mira Shome, she had always liked her maiden name more, she felt.

....

...I would put up a strong face. I am educated and I have a decent job also. Atleast I can take care of Chirag and myself  and I don’t need so many things in life. So what if dad and mom are no more,  I can still go to Nani’s place and stay if I want. But Chirag would not have great schooling there, its a small town... the pitter patter outside interrupted her conversations with herself. It had gradually started raining heavily. She got up and went up to balcony to shut the window. There he was! riding the bike with his daughter behind. Even from the second floor, she could recognise him instantly.

The next day they met at the bus stop. “My daughter is in class III.. I need to be here to take her home” he said.  “Chirag is six, he is in class I”  she replied. The blare of the bus horn took the attention away. The children had arrived.

....

It was four years since they had been separated. Chirag was just two year old then. Rahul had offered to take up Chirag's expenses but she refused to take any help. It was not that she did not need any, just that she did not want to. She had made up her mind to take on the strife alone even though she never tasted the cruelness of the world before.  She remembered how her parents could not even imagine leaving each other, it was not that they agreed on all things, but they had always agreed on one, to live together no matter what...

She had done her post grads in advertising and also had two years of work experience. Rahul and she worked in the same firm before their engagement. That was where they had met first. She was ready to work again, just that she needed to start from scratch, muster up the courage to go to Bangalore as it was the only familiar city to her which had baby day-care centres, where she could manage to get a decent paying job for herself, and, where she would not come across Rahul anytime. Rahul did not want to keep much contact, he had made it very clear. He was of the idea that it would help getting both lives back on track.

She kind of settled down in last four years, Chirag and the job had kept her busy. There were days when she felt very alone, insecure, lost, worthless and disoriented but she managed to jump back each time, defeating the cruel world once again. She loved books and her all time favourite was The Bhagvad Gita, Dad had gifted her that when she passed class XII and had said “ This will always be with you, whether I or Ma remain or not. Love it and it will equally love you back!”, he was so right.

..She was always a quiet, simple girl with no plans for the future. Living in the moment and enjoying it was her mantra and she still abided by the same after years of struggle. She loved fairy tales, music and dancing before her marraige,  like other normal girls of her age then..dance still encapsulates her soul. She never understood  why Rahul was not happy with her, she thought that she made a good wife. She would always love him so much, would respect and take care of her in-laws, take out clothes for him, eagerly wait for him to come home, and then would listen to stories of stressful politics of his job without making any remark, cook his favourite meals on weekends, always wear what he liked and also had wine because he would want company. And, she invariably loved doing all that. Their upbringing and background were different, but she overcame those barriers and adapted to his society, now she was very much one of them. Rahul was her life, her future.

..“ We cannot live under one roof... We are not compatible... You do not attract me anymore... I have my plans in life and I want to pursue them... I am not made for marriage... I love Chirag but it does not mean that I should not love myself...”.. It took few months for her to understand that Rahul actually wanted divorce. She could not even think of it ever, the idea never crossed her mind, for her, marriage was forever, Rahul was forever and Mira Minhal was forever.... She was ready to do anything to put things back in order, but, nothing worked out. Her in-laws too, were just spectators....then eventually, one day, she gave in. “Krishna, you are my saviour!” is all what she said to herself then. Dad and Mom had died in an accident last year.

She did not demand anything from Rahul, she had only wanted Rahul in her life, without him it would all be the same. She  agreed on signing the papers on mutual application for divorce.

..Taking her father’s gift in hand, she gave a last look at the apartment gate where they had stayed together. She still did not want to leave any memory behind, she recollected all one by one and kept them safely in her heart. The dangling on the front gate still had “ Our Sweet Home :-)!" written on it.  From the gate of the lift, the doormat could be seen as well. She had brought both the things from "Lovely Homes" store when they shifted there after marriage. The writing on the mat had faded but was still very much visible, “Welcome“ it meant.

..Last she had heard of Rahul was one year ago, a common friend from Hyderabad was in Bangalore when she met him accidently in Junior Oxford where she had gone looking for children comics. He mentioned among other things that Rahul was getting remarried.

....


Ting Tong!! The wall clock chimed. It was 2:30 pm, time for the bus stand.

The bus had arrived but she could not find the guy anywhere. Chirag got down followed by the guy’s daughter.  She waited for two minutes before asking the little girl “ Would your mother come today?”. The girl replied  quietly  "I do not have a mother, she expired when I was born.”  but then she smiled and said again ” My dad will come for sure, he is never late.” ..zzhhkk... she heard the sound of bike’s brake. There he was. “ Your daughter is very sweet” She said to the guy. He smiled and acknowledged. “ Hey, come over my baby! I have got noodles for you at Lunch”, he said to his daughter and turned to Mira again while riding on the bike, smiled and appreciatively said  "She always wants to be like you, in the bus Chirag keeps telling her about you! ”

When she saw the mirror today, it looked happy. Something had changed, as there was no emptiness, in fact everything looked perfect..the mirror could trace the source..the lively sparkling in her grey eyes. It was more in love with Mira now!

Love you Mom!

Today is Mother’s Day!

I spoke to my Mom on the phone.... She is not in the town, in fact she has gone with my Dad to her peehar  - thats my nanihaal, now a days they mostly travel together ....she sounded more weak than yesterday. She is not keeping well for last two years, but, she has always been very positive and repeats the same thing every day – “ arre bhai , mere ko kal se to thik lag raha hai, thik ho jayega”.... I am not very confident about it, her stomach pain worries me, but I seem to be able to do nothing. Doctors are clueless too.

I wished her “Happy Mother’s Day”!  I wanted to. I had never wished her before. She probably did not understand what I was saying as she continued asking me if I am eating on time.... they wouldn’t have this day so known in their times, but they always carried the value of their mothers, I don’t know if I am doing that, probably not. Mothers always want to know whether you have eaten on time, whether you are keeping all things in order, whether you are doing well.... They feel your pain without even mentioning.... I am happy that I could wish her today.

She knows for last 37 years how I have been eating....for as long as I can remember, I have not changed my ways of eating and she has not changed advising me on the same....well,  I don’t mind that J! I am lucky to have her around! 

....Be it Dad or Mom, sometimes you just need them more than ever. The way you walk into the house will tell them how your day have been....I am a man, not so young, and am supposed to be strong, but I must confess that I still feel afraid without them....I remember, my millionaire friend (who lost his both of the parents) mentioning once about  how he often  feels as if there is no roof over his head,  and,  how he still wakes up at nights unable to sleep back....

Our everyday life does not  really have to face this, but at times the need for a family, for a friend, for a companion is “unbearable”....well, that’s the only word which can probably come a little close to how I feel about it.

Having parents around, certainly fills the life and its emptiness to a great extent.

.. Just wondering if I can pay it forward.... probably providing my kids the education of happiness, probably try seeing all kids around as mine, probably creating a brighter and peaceful tomorrow for them, I can!

Wishing Happy Mother’s Day to all the women! ....You all are mothers at your heart!  

Mom, Thank You for giving me the breath, the blood and the milk!....Thank You for giving me the life! 

Love you Mom! You rock:-)!

"Win the hope back!"

Last time we discussed that a person sometimes looses his “hope”, is down & out.

Lets try to understand why we all loose hope....( I too sometimes:( just feel disoriented, lost and down ).

Actually we do not loose hope, we loose faith in our ability and thus faith in our confidence to come back - confidence of survival. We feel that we cannot fight more, that nothing is going to be solved, that it is enough. It seems to us at those moments, as if nothing can be done about it, it is over and thats it.

But is it? Is it all over then?

There are so many unanswered questions, and many of these come in different forms in everybody's life. A lady might have lost her husband, whereas another just cannot handle her children. One man is not able to hold on to a job, earn enough for family and pay off his loans. On the other hand, someone is worried about growth and see that the markets are shrinking, economy is unstable and currency is down. With others, they are feeling down & out because the loved one has chosen another, how would life go on now?, nothing is left for him. In few cases they are physically challenged, some by accident and some by birth….if we start counting variety of problems, probably we will end  up with thousands of them and still counting....the problems sometime come in whole lot of ways followed  by despair and no hope.

Why does this happen..? Is anyone else responsible for it..? Is it because of our old karma..? Is it because we are not made for it, we are different ..? ..or is this the way of life....the way God chooses?

Can we try and find out something about the answers....lets give it a shot.

Let us take up a case. We are not getting into the nature of the problems in his life, we are starting from the point where he already had enough of them, where he has lost hope, where he sees that the things are not working out and, where he feels that the end is near.

What does he do then, where does he go from here, what next?

Something can be done about it !

(1)The first thing what he needs is a little time and softness around....probably few days should be good as the wounds are still green. Logic behind this is that the time shows that change is inevitable..in fact change only creates time. A person who is down starts realizing the change in his life and feels it.

(2)Now we are going a little technical but spare me for this, as it is important enough. The second thing is cycle of action….it comprises of start, change and stop. Any action for that matter, a small one, or one going on for months, a physical one or a mechanical, all has the same flow of direction. He needs to start and complete small cycles first. Simple tasks such as taking bottle from the fridge, drinking and keeping it back there. Another few examples would be (a) taking out a book to read, read if he wants or flip through, then keep it back from where it was taken (b) going to buy a grocery, buying it, coming back and arranging the same in cupboard (c) writing down the expense for a day at a time and finishing the day’s expense list .. and so forth. The whole idea is to start an action, simple ones first, and then finish it. This needs to continue unless the person starts feeling better, and then move to a bigger cycles of action which comprises more time, say 3 hours, like starting a movie and then watching the whole movie at a go……Mind you, if cycles of action which takes longer than 2-3 minutes are started at first place, the person will blow off, and will again go into depression. For example, anyone who is feeling miserable because of the death of his father, if you make him sit for a movie even after 7 days, he would probably not watch the whole movie and leave half way, weeping. But, if he has been started on small cycles of action earlier, he would sit through till the end of the movie.

Now, the whole idea is to let the person start with “small wins” and progressively move on to the bigger wins and then back to the game of life. When a cycle of action is successfully completed by anyone he feels a sense of victory, a sense of accomplishment….lets call it a “Win” for ease. Check it for yourself when you finish any action completely. How do you feel?.... Whenever we finish with a project, we finish making an xl, we finish with a party at our place for our friends, we pass a class in our school, we reply to a message…..any cycle of action,big or small, when we complete, we feel better. We have a win.

More number of wins behind, boosts our confidence….and eventually brings us hope . More the wins, higher is the confidence.

If we loose a match everyday in a game, which we just started playing, we will leave playing that game after a time. We would rather stick to the game in which we win sometimes. That is why when a person starts on a new game, good coaches give him a handicap in the match, and make him win too;-), at least sometimes. He wants him to play the game for long. To go forward, winning is very very important.

(3)Hmm…The third point is that he should try and complete the cycle of communication, always. Well what the hell is that now?:-)!

Nothing so serious...., just replying to what others are saying, replying to messages, acknowledging the other person’s words by nodding head or saying words like.. okay, I got it, I see, well.. and so forth. Believe me, it works wonders.

It is better to keep company of people who reply to his queries, acknowledge anything he says, return his calls and messages, as well. He should be getting his side of comm also acknowledged and answered. It will improve things drastically.

You would notice that when we are down, we do not like to reply to many things. At the same time when our words are not replied or acknowledged, we feel upset....this third point covers it.

(4)He should be going out and seeing things. Like taking a morning walk --or for that matter any walk anytime outside the house, visiting malls, visiting different shops, visiting friends’ places, going out to choose and buy groceries, going for a holiday to beautiful natural holiday spots….and so forth. The idea behind this is “extroversion”. When a person sees outside, he is not seeing inside, he is extroverting. That takes him closer to real solid things. Reality is more real to him and illusions start fading away. Yeah, it works this beautifully, try it. Take a walk to a shopping mall when your boss has really screwed your life and see how it feels….you will again be ready and back to prove a point. Try and let me know!

These four things discussed above will really take care of our “hope”, confidence and willingness to live.

Now you know what to do with me when I am down? Give me an hour to cry, and be soft with me. Play a ludo game where I win, give me a glass of water to keep back in the kitchen, answer all my calls & messages and.. make a plan, take me to Himalayas :-)!

Then, I am back and raring to go. Common life, lets play the game! I am ready to take you on!

"Hope"

What drives us is “confidence of survival” in tomorrow. Commonly we know it as “hope”,  which is the pulling factor in everybody’s life, from human being to the small ant.

We, the human being, want to create homes and other forms of wealth – thinking it can protect us, want to create new medicines-  hoping  it can keep us well, want to have friends & companions – feeling  that our fellow beings will come to our rescue, want to produce children – understanding that it will keep us alive in some form taking our legacy on, want to invent new machines for higher existence on the planet, and so forth. We knowingly or unknowingly always try to keep our quotient of survival higher and keep working towards the same. We want to survive…. and enjoy the survival.

The sheer happiness and joy of knowing that “I” will survive the tests tomorrow and pass through them, provides the willingness to go on and reach beyond….The big question is that how can we keep this “hope” alive in hard times, like when we see and feel that present & future is useless and all the efforts of the past has gone futile, when we feel we are lonely- down and out.

Here, let me share an interesting fact with you. “You” are going to survive, no matter what. Period.

No one can bog you down, can take away your everlasting energy, can stop you from creating time and traveling to tomorrow....unscathed.

They say that the thought is always a possibility, though remote sometimes. If we are able to think and make a picture in our minds, the possibility of the thought coming true in real, arises in some or the other form. Clearer the picture in our minds - higher the possibility of that coming to real, and,  shorter the time for it. If we want something, lets make a picture of that in our mind, and then give it colours. Better if we can bring it down to some solid form such as on paper, in clay, metal or any other equal mass form. The whole Law of attraction is based on the same.

..A man can never think that he/she will stop surviving. They just think of leaving the present form and going to a new place, to start a new journey. Try and see this for yourself. You will never be able to think that you are not there, you are nowhere, you don’t exist. The thought does not occur. Yes, we do think that we will change form, place, time…. and sometimes feel  that we will reunite with someone else. But, we are unable to contemplate our non existence in future.  It is strange, but very true.

Then why is it so that we loose “hope” (confidence of survival in tomorrow), we go down and out….?

Help me find the answer.

Write down your thoughts!

Win today !

Sometimes I wonder if Life is all about Silence or... the opposite of it. It suddenly  struck, its about communication and more of it, and sometimes we do it better in silence and quietness, with ourselves and with others also.

The whole day our minds are busy with thoughts, many types of it, ranging from Himalaya to Himalaya Churna ;)..its just that we do not give importance to them, we do not watch them, we do not understand them, we think its coming from our understanding. Isn’t it  just the opposite? -- Our thoughts shape our understanding.

I never said the complete truth to anyone, I tried though. Its difficult, almost impossible to maintain this, being truthful and saying all. We love covering because... we love uncovering. We like mystery and then we like solving it. We like complexity and then we try to make it simple. We play the riddle, the game. We create the game, then we win or we loose... and we enjoy it so, so much. This is fine till here, very fine, the problem starts when we get into the game and feel its reality as real, we make things complex, we forget it was just a game and we make it our life... we are in it now, trapped in life though its a game, the game which we need to play fair.

My child just cried, eyes closed, still to wake up... I know its his dream, but its real for him. How do I make him realise this? I pull him in our world. I wake him up from his world. He resists and starts crying more, I get him, I pat him and gradually he is silent and smiling, eyes still closed... but he is smiling... though still away from our world in his dreams.

I try bringing in people to the real world, but then I see them getting more upset. I give my hand and then try to bring a smile to their faces somehow... what is important is smile, not the world. I understood it at the end though it took me some time. "Smile is more important, not the world."

Wouldn't it be great if you can speak to me whenever you like, if only I can bring some smile on your face. It makes me happy. This is my world.

Come, lets start a game today. Lets see who scores the most..and the game finishes every evening. The fresh one starts the next morning. The rule is that you are your own competitor in this, you have to defeat yourself, your own last score. Tell me how many smiles you are going to bring today? Defeat your yesterday. Win today!