"Win the hope back!"

Last time we discussed that a person sometimes looses his “hope”, is down & out.

Lets try to understand why we all loose hope....( I too sometimes:( just feel disoriented, lost and down ).

Actually we do not loose hope, we loose faith in our ability and thus faith in our confidence to come back - confidence of survival. We feel that we cannot fight more, that nothing is going to be solved, that it is enough. It seems to us at those moments, as if nothing can be done about it, it is over and thats it.

But is it? Is it all over then?

There are so many unanswered questions, and many of these come in different forms in everybody's life. A lady might have lost her husband, whereas another just cannot handle her children. One man is not able to hold on to a job, earn enough for family and pay off his loans. On the other hand, someone is worried about growth and see that the markets are shrinking, economy is unstable and currency is down. With others, they are feeling down & out because the loved one has chosen another, how would life go on now?, nothing is left for him. In few cases they are physically challenged, some by accident and some by birth….if we start counting variety of problems, probably we will end  up with thousands of them and still counting....the problems sometime come in whole lot of ways followed  by despair and no hope.

Why does this happen..? Is anyone else responsible for it..? Is it because of our old karma..? Is it because we are not made for it, we are different ..? ..or is this the way of life....the way God chooses?

Can we try and find out something about the answers....lets give it a shot.

Let us take up a case. We are not getting into the nature of the problems in his life, we are starting from the point where he already had enough of them, where he has lost hope, where he sees that the things are not working out and, where he feels that the end is near.

What does he do then, where does he go from here, what next?

Something can be done about it !

(1)The first thing what he needs is a little time and softness around....probably few days should be good as the wounds are still green. Logic behind this is that the time shows that change is inevitable..in fact change only creates time. A person who is down starts realizing the change in his life and feels it.

(2)Now we are going a little technical but spare me for this, as it is important enough. The second thing is cycle of action….it comprises of start, change and stop. Any action for that matter, a small one, or one going on for months, a physical one or a mechanical, all has the same flow of direction. He needs to start and complete small cycles first. Simple tasks such as taking bottle from the fridge, drinking and keeping it back there. Another few examples would be (a) taking out a book to read, read if he wants or flip through, then keep it back from where it was taken (b) going to buy a grocery, buying it, coming back and arranging the same in cupboard (c) writing down the expense for a day at a time and finishing the day’s expense list .. and so forth. The whole idea is to start an action, simple ones first, and then finish it. This needs to continue unless the person starts feeling better, and then move to a bigger cycles of action which comprises more time, say 3 hours, like starting a movie and then watching the whole movie at a go……Mind you, if cycles of action which takes longer than 2-3 minutes are started at first place, the person will blow off, and will again go into depression. For example, anyone who is feeling miserable because of the death of his father, if you make him sit for a movie even after 7 days, he would probably not watch the whole movie and leave half way, weeping. But, if he has been started on small cycles of action earlier, he would sit through till the end of the movie.

Now, the whole idea is to let the person start with “small wins” and progressively move on to the bigger wins and then back to the game of life. When a cycle of action is successfully completed by anyone he feels a sense of victory, a sense of accomplishment….lets call it a “Win” for ease. Check it for yourself when you finish any action completely. How do you feel?.... Whenever we finish with a project, we finish making an xl, we finish with a party at our place for our friends, we pass a class in our school, we reply to a message…..any cycle of action,big or small, when we complete, we feel better. We have a win.

More number of wins behind, boosts our confidence….and eventually brings us hope . More the wins, higher is the confidence.

If we loose a match everyday in a game, which we just started playing, we will leave playing that game after a time. We would rather stick to the game in which we win sometimes. That is why when a person starts on a new game, good coaches give him a handicap in the match, and make him win too;-), at least sometimes. He wants him to play the game for long. To go forward, winning is very very important.

(3)Hmm…The third point is that he should try and complete the cycle of communication, always. Well what the hell is that now?:-)!

Nothing so serious...., just replying to what others are saying, replying to messages, acknowledging the other person’s words by nodding head or saying words like.. okay, I got it, I see, well.. and so forth. Believe me, it works wonders.

It is better to keep company of people who reply to his queries, acknowledge anything he says, return his calls and messages, as well. He should be getting his side of comm also acknowledged and answered. It will improve things drastically.

You would notice that when we are down, we do not like to reply to many things. At the same time when our words are not replied or acknowledged, we feel upset....this third point covers it.

(4)He should be going out and seeing things. Like taking a morning walk --or for that matter any walk anytime outside the house, visiting malls, visiting different shops, visiting friends’ places, going out to choose and buy groceries, going for a holiday to beautiful natural holiday spots….and so forth. The idea behind this is “extroversion”. When a person sees outside, he is not seeing inside, he is extroverting. That takes him closer to real solid things. Reality is more real to him and illusions start fading away. Yeah, it works this beautifully, try it. Take a walk to a shopping mall when your boss has really screwed your life and see how it feels….you will again be ready and back to prove a point. Try and let me know!

These four things discussed above will really take care of our “hope”, confidence and willingness to live.

Now you know what to do with me when I am down? Give me an hour to cry, and be soft with me. Play a ludo game where I win, give me a glass of water to keep back in the kitchen, answer all my calls & messages and.. make a plan, take me to Himalayas :-)!

Then, I am back and raring to go. Common life, lets play the game! I am ready to take you on!