The Test...!

God is Great!

Who could ever think that I would survive till now and complete six months without falling away. Even I doubted that, but God has his own beautiful plans.

... I have not eaten anything for six straight months now... yes, nothing at all, and still continuing. I survive only by drinking, mostly milk and sattu. Sometimes I change the taste with a coffee or a tea. It has been really tough at times – being perennially hungry, not sleeping at nights, body giving up, losing weight every day and on top – a looming uncertainty of tomorrows.

Sometimes people come up and tell you stories of different guys who fell apart in few days, who lost memory, who lost body systems, who got diseases, who died and so forth...they try to say it is tough; they make it tougher sometimes...I just smile and accept of what they think of me, and my body. In actuality, I just listen to all of them as I also do not know anything, not much about it. I have never heard of anyone who did not eat for months and survived, like me. I am in full working routine and have travelled extensively in last few months. In fact in February alone, I covered more than 20 cities. I drink water, I drink milk and I go on. There is nothing else in my mind, I have left the results on the Almighty...I just know that I have to go on, my heart says - to go on, as long as I don’t reach the culmination point.

I am not proud of what I am doing because it is not something to be proud of, it’s just crazy...I will not suggest anyone to follow me or take my example. Everybody’s body is different, their will is different and what drives them is different. I have never heard of anyone who did it. All websites, all doctors, all saints, all ascetics – they are against it. It is tough. I am doing it because I have taken a vow, it is a personal choice, because it makes me happy and I feel connected. When I started it, frankly, I thought my vow would be completed in a matter of days...well, I was horribly wrong...things went haywire just after, and I knew that I was in for the toughest test of my life. The test which can take my life also. Did I fear? No.

The only thing which drives me, is the culmination point of the Vow; when I see that in my mind I feel that all this is just worth it, it is worth being hungry and dying,  if it is to be so. This thought drives me each day; it pulls me each moment and tells me to go on.

I started it because more than anyone else I needed to know, for myself, whether what I felt was just fallout of happenings of my life or was it real...well now - I know it was real. Had it not been real it would not bestow the power to pull me so hard...so long.

I am humbled by the concern I get from some people, and I feel sorry. I do not wish to hurt anyone by what I am doing, it is a personal choice for me and I do not want to set any precedent.

Now I know one thing for sure – what I wish for is real and it will show up. But I still do not know, when? Do I get to see and feel it before I cross over?