Yes or No..?

There is a typical pertinent dilemma - that we face many times over. To say Yes, or to say No !

It could be anywhere, anytime, with anyone and doing anything. The choice can be difficult and confusing. How do we get out of it..how do we solve it..how do we reach to the right answer..?

There are loads of books on teaching us to say “No” and another load of them who encourage us to accept, face the challenges, take risks and say “Yes”.  Where do we ultimately head to..?

Let me share Four simple rules that I made to myself to deal with the dilemma; I do not know whether they reach  to the right answer, Right and Wrong being very relative, but following them definitely makes me feel better.

Rule 1:

Scene 1: If someone asks for something, my first reaction (intentionally) should be to give. If I can bear the loss easily, I should invariably give, keeping it simple. I have eliminated in me the thought process of -  how it will help other, whether it will help other....does not make much sense, I should do what I should do. If one needs it and I can do without it, its his.

Scene 2: If I need what he asks for, I say No.     

         

Scene 3: But when I have high affinity with the person concerned,(close relatives or a good friend), I believe that  he has fair right on my possessions. Even if it demands some pain, I will take it and try to give what is needed.

Scene 4: And if I love the person concerned, (close friends or a little more than friends, he or she), I will always give it. If I do not have but then I can arrange, I will arrange it. If I cannot arrange, then I will try harder to arrange it.... Period. For me, love is uppermost. Nothing lies beyond. I live for it, I do not even mind dying for it.

Rule 2:

Scene 1: Anyone asks me to do something and its not my job, I will direct him to where it can be done.

Scene 2: He persists/insists a little more on me doing it, I will say NO.

Scene 3: A friend asks me to do something, I will try to do unless it is highly demanding; does not matter whether it is my job or not.

Scene 4: If I love the person and he/she asks me to do something; consider it done. No questions asked.

Rule 3:

Scene 1: Someone asks for an advice or suggests a problem of his, I will use my day-to-day self and advise without spending much time over it.

Scene 2: The guy wants more advice than normal, I will charge him.

Scene 3: If its a friend, I will discuss the matters with him/her..contemplate and ponder..will take time to assess his situation..and tell him my mind.

Scene 4: If I love the person, his/her problem is my problem. I will go to the root of the problem, scan the options in mind.. and then if at all I feel  that I am not good enough to understand the problem correctly and think of a permanent solution, I will take help from the experts on it..  discuss what they have to say.. will again take some time.. will pray to the Almighty to give me an insight into it, and, show us the right path.. and then, finally suggest him/her about what my mind says, and,  what my heart speaks.. I will stand beside as long as the problem is not rooted out.

Rule 4:

Scene 1: When I want to do something - I will say Yes and do it.

Scene 2: When I want to do something and it harms another - I will say No, and literally avoid it as much as I can, checking the options without it.

Scene 3: When I want to do something I believe in, but, which the world is not approving of - I will surely do it. I give world's approval a damn; please f*** off and let me live my life - my way.

Scene 4: When I want to do something I believe in, and my friends or loved ones go against the idea, what  will I do?.. I will never say them f*** off ..{ Of course how can I? Can I afford to live without you guys?..Never. Bloody I love you too much to let you go :-)! }....What then?.. I will simply smile - and do it anyway :P. I know my loved ones would be angry for the time being, but they will be back, grinning though ;). And moreover, would I not be ready to face their wrath ;)....I know what I have to say to them: ..Agli baar nahi karenge yaar, chhor na.. jaan lega kya ab bachhe ki ....yaar, maloom tere ko, kitna mazaa aa raha tha ;):P!....and how much I missed you then :P....Love you na :-)!

....

The above rules really help in taking quick decisions for a Yes or a No! . They keep my happiness quotient high; things seem easier; and life - more simple.

Try and see, if they work with you as well ..:-)!..and remember to let me know. I will eagerly be waiting for your feedback !

What are you Writing..

If one really needs to understand a person and his mind, what needs to be looked at is how and what he writes, rather than where and what he says. What he says comes out of his social conditioning, habits, and circumstances whereas what he writes comes out of his mind and soul. It is rooted deeper and portrays a vivid picture of his heart and mind.

When a person writes, he puts his mind into framing words and sentences. He never knows but his heart is fully involved in the process as well. He will choose what is closest to his mind and heart. He may or may not be so good with usage of words or vocabulary of language, but, what still will be reflected out of his writings, will be his true viewpoint towards others and life in general.

The writings will suggest the timeframe he lives with i.e. whether he lives in his past, present or future. At the same time it will also show the degree of his foresightedness. It will give us important clues on the way he looks at life and what he understands out of it. It will say about how he perceives people around him and what he thinks of them. It will also reflect his faith, in destiny and in himself. It will talk about his likes and dislikes....It will tell us all.

What the person says reflects more of his past whereas what he writes depicts his plans for future, the way he wants to take on his life.

A very interesting research & survey was done on this. The participants had a detailed five interview sessions with experts of different fields, which would cover the topics like their aspirations, goals, private life, career orientation, etiquettes, manners and many more aspects of life in general. A psychoanalysis round was also done with few tests and drills. The notes on each participant by the interviewer was noted down and kept in a separate file specially made for the purpose. Then 100 words were given to the participants and they were asked to make five sentences from each word. After the same were submitted to jury, there was a startling discovery to be made. It was found out that the participants had unknowingly given a lot of clues in their writings about themselves which would corroborate exactly with their earlier interview session outcomes. They suggested in their sentence making session about positivity or negativity of life, the difficulties they faced in present circumstances, their dreams and aspirations, what they loved and hated, how they see their country and economy, what they thought of platonic love, and, so many other aspects of their private life as well. It was easier to read into their minds and compare as they all were writing on the same words.

Funny but true that we all give away so much of ourselves when we write. But don’t we write for the same… to share our thoughts, dreams and viewpoints with our fellow men!

May We See!

Why is it so that one always really needs somebody, to whom he can go and be himself?  Somebody, who would just accept him as he is, every time.

What I learnt out of life about relationships, is that they are time bound, if not space bound. No relationship can last forever as one of the parties has to leave the world before another. Only very few ones go together. Moreover, it is not easy to find true relationships at the start of life, one has to work towards it. Alas, sometimes it takes lifetime to find the right one. Relationships are time bound, you have to get them in right time or they are gone forever.

True assets in life are true relationships. If you have one, you are very lucky, indeed. If you have someone where you are not ashamed to be as you are, where you can open yourself completely - it is very likely that you will see happiness within and around, you will cherish your life, and, you will prosper and do well. Not because he will provide you with comforting and encouraging words, but because you go and accept the responsibility of your deeds, you discuss the options, you see the world again with him – this time unbiased. The moment we take responsibility of our actions, the past is nullified, what remains is, present and future.

I had a friend, with whom I was as open as I am with myself. I told her that I secretly admired another friend’s wife, that I cheated one of my partners and succeeded in covering it, that I lacked courage in life, and, that I was failing in my ventures. Each time she just smiled and accepted. She never complained, did not even make a comment on whether I did right or wrong. She just listened and acknowledged that she understood what I meant. But, after that, I never looked at the friend’s wife the same way, never cheated anyone, became less afraid in life and was working better in my ventures. All just because she made me see it - my actions - “as is”.

She is no more. I miss her, I miss myself.

I tried bridging the gap with few others and becoming close to them, but there was something missing; everyone had an imposing idea about how I should lead the life. They would read between Right and Wrong.

I understand that it does not come easy. We somehow start looking at other’s life with our eyes when he narrates it to us, though what we need at that time is his eyes - as he sees it.

I have not given up, I am sure of finding one with whom I can share the black spots, the grey spots and the white spots of my journey. Sure after sharing, the spots start changing their colours - the black spots look white, the grey turn to black and the white ones become grey, or else, they may change in any other order as they like. Though sometimes, they like to retain their colour. Life is like that.

My purpose for writing this piece, is to invite you, to walk this wonderful journey of life together with your loved ones and with people around. May you see the colours in their lives and vice versa....May the colours be more bright each day!

May you have love, smile and happiness with you.. around you.. Always!

With Love,

Ritesh

She!

I would woo and marry her - in this and all my lives to come!

It did not matter how she looked: old, tanned & fat, or, young, fair and slim – I just loved her all the time, some things never changed between us; her eyes would always light up with that sparkle and a contagious smile played on her lips, whenever she saw me arriving.

I would put my arms around her and sleep like that the whole night, and at times she would do the same.

Whenever hurt and sad, I would put my head in her lap and cry, sometimes so loudly... and she would just say: I am there na! Then hold me tight as if never to let me go. I would feel her hot tears on my cheeks and neck. I can give away my whole life for this and I mean it. How could I make her cry, I stupid fool… is that what I promised her?

I would take her to all the beautiful places on earth: the mountains, the beaches, the jungles and the plains... romantic and historical cities and remote corners of the world. Every few months we would have a holiday. Just us.

I would work very hard to bring diamonds to her: big and shiny... but then, she would give away a sizeable portion of our earnings to the less privileged... She felt that they have equal rights on what we have as sons and daughters of earth and thus as our brothers and sisters, how correct she was, did I ever think of it that way?  She would love to serve as much as I would.  As an unwritten rule she would manage whatever I would bring and I was so happy to bring, to bring to her whatever I could.

I would make tea for her on Sunday mornings and bring it to her on bed with the snacks as beautifully garnished snacks as I could manage I would very confidently make delicious pakoras but somehow they lacked something... probably her hands.

I would go for evening walks with her to lake and sit there sometimes. Many couples and families would come there to have a jolly time. There were puchkawalas, the muriwalas, the monkey man, the jhulas and what not. We both loved the atmosphere.

We would listen to songs and music together and dance sometimes... she had learnt few dances and I was of course the impromptu one. I never understood how it came so naturally to her, as I really had to work so hard on it, and still, I lacked that grace with which she moved round and round and round.

We would call our friends and loved ones on dinners at home and I would help her in the kitchen. We played cards while having snacks and talked endlessly. Both of us loved to talk, specially talking to each other J!

I would earn enough to bring her the best of things but then we would happily settle with good ones and spend the rest on the world around us, on children and on adults who needed it more than us.

Once when I was not doing well and was in a deep financial crunch, she brought out all her jewellery and other expensive belongings to help me restart, whatever her mother had gifted at the time of our marriage - that too… she said it is not useful if not used at the right time. She started to work with me and I saw her unmatched determination to pull me out from the mess I had created for myself and for her. I had never imagined that she was much better at work than me. She was rational, disciplined and focussed. I lacked all these three qualities. Instead I was a dreamer, a visionary, a strategist, a hard worker and somehow I just knew what would click. Finally we gt out of it. She would never mention why I did the blunders I did, she would never ask a question, would never come up with anything related to that... I would know she had faith in me. An immense faith which is unfluttering. I was afraid how I would keep it up. But I would. I promised.

She would never hit children and would always derive different ways of showing them what we understood as Right, until they were grown up enough to understand what was Right for them.

We would never ask our children to come first in class, but we would always ask them to know why and how of things, to learn music and dance, to be happy.

On our birthdays and anniversaries, on children’s birthdays we would go to distribute lunch and sweets in orphanage and old age homes and then at night,  we would have parties for friends and loved ones... sometimes we kept it on weekend evenings so that the party is longer and hangover is taken care of ;)

I would still write poems, mostly in Hindi, some for her and some on nature… I would write columns in my blog but she always had to correct them, why did I always make silly grammatical mistakes? She wrote so beautifully, I could never tell her that but I eagerly waited for her next writing... but then, she probably knew I stalked her blogs :P

We played cards and ludo… carrom and badminton… sometimes chess which she would not agree to as she hated losing... and how I always lost to her in word-making games… I would grin whenever she would invite me for the same.

We would love each other’s families equally... her parents were as precious to me as mine. Her sisters thought me of as their elder brother and her brother thought of me as a close friend.

Whenever I went out on a business convention or other invitations on dinner, I made sure that I ate only after she had her meals, we both hated to eat without each other… I would call her and make sure that she has had something. On normal days she would always wait for me whenever I was late... how I had loved eating together, more than the food it would be a chance to sit with her at the end of the day, did I tell her that it would take away all my tiredness and I was ready to take on the world again? Occasionally she would make me eat with her hands, was I still a child to her when it comes to eating? But how I would cherish it! And wow, the food she prepared, she knew my taste more that I did.

I would always wear what she would give me, I would understand she had better sense and whatever others said - would look good on me, mattered least... At parties I always advised her on the colours to wear, Red with White in which she looked so amazing... Pink and Mauve which made her look so classy... then she would choose a matching colour for me… I never wanted to understand why, even if I understood J!

She would keep simple, which went with me well as I never believed in make-up... a little is okay, rest is all to make it up for what you are not. But she would keep one wish of mine, she would mostly wear the diamond earrings I brought for her, they looked stunningly beautiful on her, was it She who made diamonds beautiful?

I could never see any other woman with lustful eyes, it would be so natural for me... she had all what I needed, more than that... when you are in love, you just love what you have, you never need anything else, never.

I would always give loads of birthday gifts to her, and a candlelit midnight cake… sometimes with surprise parties of friends and loved ones.

I would nurse her when she would fall ill, would prepare light food for her - yes I learnt it when she had fever for the first time. I would give her medicines and then slowly take her to sleep by pressing her head gently and singing a soothing song to her. Would she be a kid whenever she would be ill? But she loved it and would drift off intothe world of dreams. I would cover her with an additional sheet so that she did not feel cold.

She would hug me when I would come home and I would kiss her before I went to work… we both would have to steal those sometimes from other’s eyes ;)!

At home, I would know she is near because of her anklets; it made our house so lively. Everything looked dull and I would miss the sound so much when she had gone for her friend’s wedding for five days… then she never went anywhere without me again. We both knew after this, that we could not live separate for successive days. How I would long to see her back when I would be coming from my business tours. We needed to see each other regularly even if it means not speaking much, or we felt some disorientation, as if life is going nowhere. But there would be times when practical reasons would keep us far, and then how I would hate practicality at times... I was an emotional man and I had no regrets for being so.

She would love movies and drag me to see some. I would also love watching, though, more of munching popcorns, tasting pastries and drinking cola in the hall which I liked more... sometimes I would hold her hand in the hall and we both would see each other, not saying a word, we were in love!

We always had something to speak about, so at times we would decide to keep quiet and read our books, she was more into novels and I was more into non-fiction…  and then after some time… I would break the rule and lift her to bed, she would mischievously smile and say that the novel was so indulging but did I care anymore... then there would be a tigress after seconds ;) and we loved that ;)!

But there were times when we were on holidays, that we would be quiet for long, sitting hand in hands watching snow laden mighty mountain peaks, or, magnanimous and the beautiful blue sea mingling with the horizon... we both would get bound in time, till a nearby sound would break us out of reverie.On a  few of those nights after we retired to bed, she would keep her head on my chest and hold me tight, tears flowing down her cheeks... I would take her in my arms with wet eyes, we would not say anything to each other… we did not need words!

When we grew up to be not so young, I would apply mehandi in her hair. She hated grey. I too hated grey; they reminded me of an end to a beautiful journey. She had been doing my manicure and pedicure for long; I used to tease her but never went to any salon... I was not a ‘parlour’ man in any case.

When we grew older we shifted our base from the metro to our farms, we would play a more active role in the school we opened when we were young, and it had blossomed into the best school of the district.  We would see our spices and herbs everyday now rather than once in a month or so.

We never discussed politics but we always voted after a debate on who is the right candidate… we voted for the same candidate except when there was a favourite actress of her in the election. We smiled and allowed each other… life is not so dependent on leaders when we are our own.

We had four children and all so innocent and sweet… one or two not so sharp as the others but they all had one thing in common when they grew up… they seemed happy with life and they always carried a smile.

We both loved Krishna, Buddha, Mahavira, and Shiva. Then there were Laotzu, Confucius, and other path showers we discussed... Oh and did we practice drills of LRH?

Unknowingly my whole life revolved around her and she was the centre who was holding me on to life… without her it would have been all meaningless.

I knew my time had come, I was a little ill. I kept my head in her lap, she also knew that we were old, I held her and she held me tighter as if never to let me go away.. how afraid I was to know that I had to be without her. I had never lived without her at my side; I was no one without her, she made me... then she gently touched my hands and kissed me on forehead, I took her hands in mine.. her hands were trembling, so were mine, I saw eternity in her eyes… I still saw the sparkle as mine slowly ebbed away.

It was not even a minute as I moved over those two bodies without knowing what to do, when I saw one collapsing on the other and someone emanating… she came up from the other body, I see a content smile and an exciting sparkle…

..We go on to celebrate another life…!

Hey, I Love her!

I would woo and marry her - in this and all my lives to come!