Are we ready...?

A friend’s comment on the “plan of life” got me thinking. I had always believed in oneness of the universe. Can our plan be different from the whole of universe’s plan?

As we all live, knowingly or unknowingly we also plan for our future. Even if some of us do not plan and like to live each day as it comes, at least secretly we all wish our future to be “good”...though this “good” is very relative to each individual and has different meaning for all. But even then, this “goodness” of tomorrow still contains few attributes common to all – happiness, love, satisfaction, peace, stability, and so forth.

We sometimes like to plan, plan for our better future, for our well being. But most of us find that in due course, somewhere, “our plans” for life are simply outrun by the “plans of life” for us. Why does it happen? Who is responsible for it? Where is our fault in it? What did we do to change it?...These are pertinent questions which hit our mind and heart then; unanswered.

Let us try and find out how life takes its shape and why so.

We live in a world where we all are connected to each other. The connection can be visible and straight or “just not known” connection. The connection can be close or very very remote. Now when one big change takes place in anyone’s life, that change has ripple effect. A person closest to him feels the effect at its highest level and a person remotely connected might not notice it at all at that moment.

Let us take one real example: One person died at an age where his girl child is unmarried. The child felt as if the roof over her head had blown away, everything seemed to be dark and lost to her, there was a void created forever... That’s a very direct effect as the child was directly closely related to her father. The time passed by; the child grew up, got educated, got married, and then took up a job as a teacher. In her class she found a little girl who was brilliant, chirpy, beautiful, vibrant and very lively. One day this little girl was absent. And then she did not come the second day. She did not come for third consecutive day and then for the whole week. Next week when she came back, she looked weak, shy, sad, silent and withdrawn in her own world. The teacher who really loved the girl, just asked, “what happened my dear?...” and this little girl broke down uncontrollably. She narrated to the teacher as to what tragedy had happened to her. She unfortunately had lost her father to a train accident who was the only surviving member of her family. As people in her extended family were fighting over remaining property, one of the aunts at least sent her to the school. She did not know what to do, where to look upon, the aunt had forgotten to pack her tiffin, she was hungry too. Oh, she also did not know who would pay her fee and if she would be able to attend school any more. She wanted to attend school; she loved her friends, her teacher. The teacher after learning this went completely blank and silent; she knew what it felt like. She could not say anything; nothing. But then, next week, the child was a welcome to the teacher’s family as her adopted daughter!...The story goes on, it is a real story.

The death of the father of this teacher directly did not have anything to do with this little girl, who was probably not even born then, but the effect of this incident on the mind of that teacher did greatly affect the later life of the little girl who was adopted as her daughter. In the times to come, this adopted little girl became a paediatrician surgeon, a doctor specialising in heart surgery of new born children, giving lives and smiles to many.

There are many and more real stories which tell us how connected we are to each other. There is always a thread which connects all of us through each other. It’s an interconnected web of life, incidents, actions, thoughts...; it is known as “Universe”. It is “One”.

Incidents like these happen on an everyday basis, but as we do not know the story behind, we are never able to connect the dots and so many things happening around us go unnoticed. We are never able to read and know the plans of the universe. But don’t we now know that everything is related and connected, each action of an individual affects the whole world, each incident has effects known and unknown on the whole of universe, each thought has vibrations going round and round attracting other vibrations - other thoughts. Who knows if one tragic death will bring smile to millions of life, one divorce will bring more love, one loss will bring higher profits, and one phone call will bring your soul mate?

...I would like to mention something here, something very very pertinent. I do not know how many people really believe here that departed souls can be contacted; even I have my doubts. But a friend of a friend who claims to do so, mentioned something mind blowing. We all have heard of a rape victim in Delhi, commonly known as “Nirbhaya”, who lost her battle against life in December last year. I would not like to go into her last days as they were very very tragic. I literally cried when I heard about it, it was just too much for anybody. Well, story goes on like this, this so called friend of a friend supposedly got in contact with the soul of “Nirbhaya” and asked her about how she was feeling after her death. The reply from Nirbhaya was unimaginable: she said “ I am happy. I did my job well. I was there to create awareness so that tomorrows are safer for others and I understand I was able to do it...”... Yes, she did it. She did wake us up. She did what nobody could do in decades. It is time we complete her job. Now the onus is on us to restore faith in manhood.

The whole thing, when I heard from my friend, mesmerized me, I was too stunned to speak. I did not know how much truth was there, but I just could not say anything, I was completely blank. I did not know if I should thank Nirbhaya for what she had done for others, or I should shun the whole thing as a fake. I still do not know. I just know some things are better untouched. It is beyond me...

There are things we do not know, we cannot even imagine, but it might happen and we only know about it later on. We can only read our lives once it is written on the pages of history, and not before. We now just know that each plan affects our plan and our plan affects everyone’s plan, each life affects our lives and our lives affect everyone’s life, and each thought affects our thoughts and our thoughts affect each thought of this whole universe...

We just know that there is always a story behind...! Always!

But, are we ready to accept it...?

Its time...Can we?

Last night I was watching TV after a very long time. I would rather read a book than spend time in front of idiot box but somehow I decided to be like an idiot myself after I finished having a glass of milk. Surfing through the channels I had to find my way till movies or sports section would start. Midway there were news channels. I was surprised, saddened and shocked that every other channel was either talking about a brutal crime or rape. A thought struck me - “ Is it my India :( ? ”

Today, the whole virtual world is aloud with one more unimaginably brutal rape in capital city of India, that too of an innocent five year old. If you are visiting twitter or other social networking sites in India, you just cannot escape the news. Everybody is ferociously outraged, and rightly so. Even if it is done by someone else we all are so ashamed of the act that our heads hang low. I guess everybody must be thinking - “Where are we going? There is no governance, no safety, no values, no humanity, no freedom – not even for small, young, innocent children. Seems like the whole world around is filled with extreme fear, horror and uncertainty. What do we do? Do we have place for us to live without fear? ”

Rape is not an act of sexual frustration, it is a psychotic disease. And the problem is that disease is spreading fast. The man is no more a man; he is becoming Satan.

I do not really know the immediate cure. I really don’t; except giving extreme fear back to that Satan. Any rapist caught should be hanged publicly but not before his vital "tool of terror" is severed, and that too publicly. Satan should also know what it feels like. When one Satan would feel, it will spread to another as well. It works the same way; as disease...Of course the administration has to make sure that it has actual culprit before it’s done. That’s the only immediate cure I can think of. Let me know if you know another?

Though, the long term impact can be caused by more emphasis on education ( I do not mean academics, mind you), and awareness of human values. It needs to be imbibed since young age. Secondly, the usage of any kind of drugs / alcohol needs to be administered by oneself. Once a person gets drunk he is not the same person any more (don’t we all know it). Most of the gruesome crimes are committed only after getting drunk. Once one is high on alcohol, his awareness goes down, his sensitivity goes for a toss.

Its time we really need to give it back to the Satan. Give it back hard. Lets find out the ways!...And then we need to develop an awareness, a process, a system, an educational giving so that our next generation does not live in constant fear and anxiety like us, so that we have better world, so that we have happier tomorrows, and, so that sky is no more red with blood of a girl child. 

We all have to start on it immediately. Can we? Even in small ways?

There is that light at the end of the tunnel :-)!

Life is not so easy, just not easy, especially when one is down and does not see tomorrow. There is only one thing that keeps all of us going and that is seemingly a dim light at the end of the dark tunnel. Hope, as we call it.

Hope is nothing but a future phenomenon which seems to have better surviving set of factors than today.

It, I understand, is an established fact that youth is better than old, in almost every way. But why?

It is not because body is better when you are young, not because stress is not so frightening, not because responsibilities are less; these are only the reasons we think exist. The fact is different. It is because we have more hope at younger age, we have more tomorrows to look at. It is because we know in our youth that we still have time to do something about our dreams, our goals. As we reach older stage, we find less hope. Then at old age we start feeling that while we have already walked so many years and still could not reach the dim light at the end of the tunnel; surely then it must be far away, or, it could be as delusive and misleading an end as horizon, where it looks near but it never comes. We lose the hope then. We accept that it cannot get any better. We get ready to die – to go to a world where there is hope.

We do not need love to pull us, we do not need money to keep us, we  do not need strength to push us – we just need hope for tomorrow. Hope has it all; it has love, it has money, it has strength and much much more.

Had it been so that money/wealth can keep us going, no billionaire would have died ever. They die because they do not see tomorrow better than their today, they too want to change their world then, to play a new game, where, they have tomorrows- better ones. Don’t you think if someone is terminally ill and you tell him that there is a new cure which has just arrived and it can save him, only if he can wait till tomorrow ( i.e. giving him hope till tomorrow), he would pull all his strength to reach that tomorrow. A child beggar of age 2-3 years does not get proper food, proper shelter, proper medicine but he survives because he feels, he is told, that there is “hope”. In most cases he dies after finding that there is no hope here anymore.

Man is very clever. He knows that only hope will guide him to live till tomorrow and with so much of misery and pain around where was the hope? So he created God. Sometimes I feel that the God is nothing more than actually a place where you can find different kinds of hope(s)... and you can borrow one whenever you want, that too without having to give anything in exchange.  Don’t we all do that sometimes :- borrow hope? Hope of a loving partner, hope of a family, hope of a better lifestyle, hope of debt free life, hope of a child, hope of a better tomorrow overall...

Is it possible to imitate God? Can we do something so that we can instil hope among our peers, our friends, our loved ones, our children, our people, and sometimes to strangers...can we tell them that they surely have a better tomorrow? Can we suggest that everything is going to be fine, to just have patience? Can we tell them that we are standing beside, nothing to fear, all will be okay?

Can we give hope?...sometimes?!

The Test...!

God is Great!

Who could ever think that I would survive till now and complete six months without falling away. Even I doubted that, but God has his own beautiful plans.

... I have not eaten anything for six straight months now... yes, nothing at all, and still continuing. I survive only by drinking, mostly milk and sattu. Sometimes I change the taste with a coffee or a tea. It has been really tough at times – being perennially hungry, not sleeping at nights, body giving up, losing weight every day and on top – a looming uncertainty of tomorrows.

Sometimes people come up and tell you stories of different guys who fell apart in few days, who lost memory, who lost body systems, who got diseases, who died and so forth...they try to say it is tough; they make it tougher sometimes...I just smile and accept of what they think of me, and my body. In actuality, I just listen to all of them as I also do not know anything, not much about it. I have never heard of anyone who did not eat for months and survived, like me. I am in full working routine and have travelled extensively in last few months. In fact in February alone, I covered more than 20 cities. I drink water, I drink milk and I go on. There is nothing else in my mind, I have left the results on the Almighty...I just know that I have to go on, my heart says - to go on, as long as I don’t reach the culmination point.

I am not proud of what I am doing because it is not something to be proud of, it’s just crazy...I will not suggest anyone to follow me or take my example. Everybody’s body is different, their will is different and what drives them is different. I have never heard of anyone who did it. All websites, all doctors, all saints, all ascetics – they are against it. It is tough. I am doing it because I have taken a vow, it is a personal choice, because it makes me happy and I feel connected. When I started it, frankly, I thought my vow would be completed in a matter of days...well, I was horribly wrong...things went haywire just after, and I knew that I was in for the toughest test of my life. The test which can take my life also. Did I fear? No.

The only thing which drives me, is the culmination point of the Vow; when I see that in my mind I feel that all this is just worth it, it is worth being hungry and dying,  if it is to be so. This thought drives me each day; it pulls me each moment and tells me to go on.

I started it because more than anyone else I needed to know, for myself, whether what I felt was just fallout of happenings of my life or was it real...well now - I know it was real. Had it not been real it would not bestow the power to pull me so hard...so long.

I am humbled by the concern I get from some people, and I feel sorry. I do not wish to hurt anyone by what I am doing, it is a personal choice for me and I do not want to set any precedent.

Now I know one thing for sure – what I wish for is real and it will show up. But I still do not know, when? Do I get to see and feel it before I cross over?

Treasure...!

“Life has been very kind overall...” I thought, as I got up this morning.

...

I was blessed with best of friends, sweetest of children, warmest of people. I lived in the most magnificent country, enjoyed the company of Godly spiritual masters and saw amazing places.

And then I experienced of what is known as “moments of real love”… moments for which, I am ready to trade my entire life. Any day, any time.

Sometimes when I go to sleep I wonder if there is anything I wish to carry from here when I move to other world like my loved ones, then those are the only moments engraved in my memory which I would steal away. All else is very very ordinary.

...

 Looking back, the times had been good and bad, right and wrong, happy and sad..but life in general was cool until I was left alone... people I could cry with, had crossed over, untimely.

Still I did not give up; I kept trying, failing sometimes and succeeding at other times. Only visible change after their departure was that I always wept alone... silently... in some isolated corner of mother earth. But deep down there were more changes, my excitement towards life was not the same anymore, and I was not the same.

…

Then came she, and changed my world again… being totally unaware of her impact on my life. It was a short period, but beautiful, very beautiful.

Though it is a realm of silence between us now, could I thank her for all the moments she spent on me and tell her that I felt a tinge of the same magical moments... the moments I always wish to carry over…

Thank You..! Thank You for all your words... for all your thoughts... for all what I received!

It was wonderful with you!

...

As I turn 38 today, these are the only moments which I have gained in my lifetime, my only treasure!

...

I really do not know where I would end, but I now know where I want to begin..

...

Thou, I repeat what I have always asked, one and only thing: “No matter whatever you give me, give me enough strength with it!”

Its Resolution time!

Emotional Signs used below:

J  Happy              L  Sad                 ;)  Winking        :P  Tongue             [-0<  Praying          B-)  Cool        >:D<  Big hug          #:-s   whew!                  \m/  Rock on!              :I  Straight face  

............................................................................................................

Its Resolution time!

My resolutions for 2013:

1.  As I am on liquids for more than three months now, ( I mean it L..have not used my teeth literally..and still continuing), my body seems to wither away to some extent. I have lost about 15 kgs. of weight and all old clothes are not fitting anymore. So I resolve to get few decent suits stitched in the first week itself ;) :P..long time I have not spent on myself ;):P

2. I resolve to get higher attention from the Almighty to get me out of all the soups which I created for myself ;) :P.... [-0< 

3. As I always ran away from hard work it eventually seems to have caught up with me at the age of 37..okay, well, anyway, when I am already caught ( the situation is such) I resolve to work hard and strong this time unlike previous times ( Do I have any choice?) :P

4. My wish list brings me three primary wishes..to read more books, to travel to new places and watch more movies..I am preparing a list of books I wanna read and the classics I wanna watchJ!..Travelling is of course on the cards  B-)

5. Do I love stability? Well, the Almighty wishes me the same so I wish the same for myself.

6. Love has always been my centre point of living and I hope to receive ample of it starting this year >:D<

7. Simplicity has always been my goal of life..although being simple is not simple #:-s ..Simple people are simple and thats the way it is..I will again try to break this myth by accepting all that comes in the way as the gifts of God and try to remain calm and composed in my thoughts..a genuine try!

8. Positivity is what we all need and I will try to look things from positive angles..\m/

9. I had always been a foodie..I hope to get a chance to come back on food again..how I miss eating all the junk food    ....yummy ;) ...  [-0<   

10. To Take life easy...to take death easy (who knows)...have a jolly attitude towards life in generalJ!

11. The mood is sombre because of the death of the brave heart Delhi girl who was gang raped brutally..I resolve to spread education in my capacity which can bring some change in the way we perceive others’ lives..May her soul rest in peace! May this never happen again with anyone.. Amen!

I just wish..

“I know God won’t give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish he didn’t trust me so much." - Mother Teresa 

How true the thought is! There are tough times in life and one cannot make a better statement .

Challenges have always inspired me, and I have always loved them, but at times..I got defeated. Completely defeated. So much so that I thought of quitting the game and starting another but was saved..unfortunately or fortunately..only time will tell.

Pain can be handled, but it becomes difficult when it continues for long and one does not know if it will ever end. That is when one starts succumbing..he sees hope as finished and he falls, falls for never getting up, falls defeated. Love or Hope of being loved is the only thing which stands between defeat and win..it is the only pulling factor because it gives you a goal, a resting place, and a reason to live. It is the only light at the end of the tunnel. It keeps you going..but if it fades, so does the strength in the legs.

I do not know how to rate one’s abilities. I sometimes feel that I am very able, and then there are times when I feel I cannot go on. When I think deep, I feel the ability does not change much, it is the confidence on the ability which shakes. The confidence reasons, it sees results, it goes logical, it is worldly, it is emotionless..the ability does not reason, it does not see results, it is not logical - it is inherent, it is natural, it is godly and it is part of emotion. Though, it is factored by physical and mental state to be executed into people’s sensory format.

What is Love: Hundreds of books can be written about it and even then it would remain outside the purview of words..and rightly so. It is beyond words. The simple reason for this is that Love is not worldly, it is godly, it is unlimited and Words talk in limitations by their origin and nature. If I attempt to put in limitations to Love I would probably say that: Love is a feeling of togetherness. Period. If I try to define the character of Love I would say that it has a scale, which means it is represented or felt in degrees..from negative to positive Infinity. Period. You cannot understand Love, you can just feel it. You cannot describe it, you can just show it.

It is only faith which can endure hard times, and it is only love which can produce faith. We can brood on times gone by and worry over the future to arrive..but I do not know if it will solve anything. I just know that I pull up myself every morning, I see a smiling You, and I say to God: “ I know you won’t give me anything I can’t handle.  I just wish you didn’t trust me so much.”

God has beautiful plans..!

When I see outside the window there is such a beautiful view of our India. The sun has just arrived and the birds have started chirping. Meadows, farms, small houses, huts all have become energetically alive with new rays from the sorcerer. The fog is running away leaving behind stunning pictorial images of a happy today.

..I had texted my friend about God’s beautiful plan of existence yesterday and I could feel it then and there while writing the same, He smiled at me when I wrote the same, a blissful energy hovered around and embraced... She is the only one except me who knows exactly about why I am on liquids, can help me get out of it and come back on food, but, seems that the God has other plans for my existence too J!...Whatever it is , I accept and agree to His plans. With a new morning I am mustering up the courage and praying to the Almighty to give me strength to continue living on liquids for long, atleast long enough to finish my duties...I do not fear death, I fear falling short of my reaching line, but...who knows what is in store for me?, He has his plans for each of us!...  It has certainly not been easy but by help of cosmos and believing in the law of balance I have managed to run in my daily routine in a proper usual way. Love is the biggest energy provider I understood, it bypasses all foods, all nutrients, all liquids, it keeps pushing one to go on as long as it is there ! as long as one has not finished what he set out for !... Living on only milk and sattu has its lessons which I would have never learnt otherwise. I am thankful to the God and the universe for helping me in this learning process.

The sun is playing hide and seek behind trees on the way and it is so nice to have such a beautiful morning. The ponds and smaller rivers are reflecting the light at their surface to utmost beauty. All over its peace and happiness, the quietness of naughtiness, the playful nature of nature...I am blessed to have a body which endures and smiles at the same time following my mind and heart, who ultimately follow beautiful plans of God !

I want another world..!

I want another world!

A world where love is more valuable than the gold

A world where a child is safe as well as the old,

A world where Happiness seems to be the End

A world where working hard to earn this is a trend...

The greeneries and the mountains welcome the man

The rivers and the forests are not afraid of his clan,

The earth awaits the stars to hear songs of eternal love

The moon with teary night silently watches from above...

The flowers bloom with the rising hope of the man

The sun shines strikingly at their sweat in the tan,

She brings him bread, cause’ he prefers it simple

He smiles from the farm, puts a little butter on her dimple...

They always eat together, they never sleep apart

Holding hands they stroll, talking through their heart,

They grow old together, they die the same way

“ We are One forever!”, the twinkles in their eyes say...

The ups and downs remain a part of their life

It is smooth enough but only after times with strife,

“Togetherness” is the key, they have fought it all

They stand by each other, no matter big or small...

He gifts her books and beautiful diamond earrings

Chocolates and cakes, smiling - coffee he brings,

She cooks for him and he so loves her hands

They sing old songs, and they dance on bands...

This world is so beautiful, they travel to see

The people are fair; the air smells so free,

The birds soar the skies, the animals embrace mother Earth

Love transcends the boundaries; each moment here is worth...

...

A world where Happiness seems to be the End

This is my another world, O my dear friend...

A place where the reality is made out of our dreams

The music of blowing wind whispers: “This is God’s realms”...!

Living on liquids..

For "Us" !..

Good Reads..

..was able to read three books in the last month. All of them were beautifully expressed. Two were written by Amish – “The Immortals of Meluha”, and, ”The Secret of the Nagas”, respectively as Book 1 and 2 of the Shiva Trilogy. The third one which I read was authored by Dr. Brian Weiss – “ Many Lives, Many Masters”.

While I was reading Amish, I just wondered about his amazing ability of creating and connecting dots. The books were simply intriguing and wonderfully interesting as it provided a different perspective of Indian mythology, though personally I liked the first part more than the second part of the trilogy. I have not read much of fiction and normally the choice is to read non-fiction as that appears more stimulating to the mind. My friend Pankaj had suggested that Amish is a must read and I thought why not try  fiction this time again..strangely I have been reading more of fiction for last few months.

“Many Lives, Many Masters” is a book I will recommend to everyone who is a little spiritually inclined. The book takes one on the journey of past lives and opens a new face of looking at present life itself. Even though I was able to connect more to the book because I already know more that what Dr. Brian told , as well as the logic behind it all, ( Sorry for bragging, but I actually do :P), I feel it is a must read for all who want to know how present relationships are formed with people we stumble upon in our lives. The book loses a little bit of steam as it reaches its end but even then its an interesting read. It teaches something which is just worth it.. ”that death is not something to be frightened of, it is just a way to start another life, in another world.”

You are not alone..not any more!

Never feel lonely as you are not alone

Never feel left out as not everyone is gone,

Remember there is one who lives for You

Remember there is one - for whom it’s only You.

Life is a game; a stage play sometimes

Like Snakes & Ladders, there are falls & climbs,

We come and go; but we stay a fair time

Isn’t it worth, to spend the rest with Love’s chime?

I miss you so much but I do not say any more

They weep with me – the mountains, and the shore…

I worry and wonder if you are alright so far

But then I see my friend - a comforting, smiling star!

The Krishna promised to take care as a star in night

So did The Mahadev as the sun blazing at its height,

Since creation, they are my eternal friends

Do you feel their invisible hand which extends?

The mores, the customs will surely disapprove

To survive, the society has to go into a groove

It is highly unconventional; they are not wrong

It is only up to us, how much are we strong…

An unfulfilled duty still calls for some time of mine

Am committed to the cause as long I do not reach the line,

Without you by my side, this life is a continuous struggle

I accept my past karma and continue in the juggle…

I punish myself each day for not being with you in stride

Hadn’t I promised ages back to be always there by your side?

I hope my punishment brings some happiness to your life

They say this “Law of Balance” would help in your strife!

I look to the day when I am free of my duty

To roam with you in nature’s captivating beauty,

Togetherness and Love, I learnt from you

Do I feel the same now, as the fish sans the blue?

I am sorry for not seeing earlier what I saw late

I am sorry for letting you fight so alone till date…

We still have a long walk on the road to the Main

O my love, would you mind holding my hand again?

I promise never to leave you alone – Come what may

I promise to take away all your sorrows – The happiness stay!

O The Almighty: “Let the law of balance take the charge,

Give me all her pain; allow her to live life large!”

Now you will never feel lonely as you are not alone

Now you will never feel left out as not everyone is gone,

The Almighty makes sure there is one who dies for You

The Mahadev, The Krishna will see one - for whom its only You.

I am sorry for not seeing earlier what I saw late

I am sorry for letting you fight so alone till date…

May all your wishes come true!

Hi!

I do not know if you still follow my blogs....but in the hope that you stumble upon:

Wishing you a very warm and happy Diwali!

Love, Ritesh

{ Missing you more today..festival time without you is not a festival time L }

P.S.

Eat timely, sleep well. Krishna will take care of rest!

  

Star Light, Star bright,
First star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Catch a falling star tonight.
Try and catch a shooting star
make a wish with all your heart,
The stars shine brightly for you
And may all your wishes come true !

Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky

Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are

Try and catch a shooting star
Make a wish with all your heart,
The stars shine brightly for you
and may all your wishes come true !

Star Light, Star bright,
First star I see tonight..

Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are.

Up above the world you shine,
Like a night light in the sky
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are..

A Looser's Race..

It is the festive season but I feel the flow of external communication much less. I just do not visit fb anymore, I had already stopped following tweets for over a month, I do not tweet ( I probably roar on my blogs..sometimes, :P ), I do not read or follow any blog, I am neither there nor active on any other social network site such as Myspace, Google+, Pintrest and so forth.. No one else has pushed me to it but I myself have stopped surfing over the net to hunt for what is going on in someone else’s physical life..though, I am never disconnected at the para-physical levels ( I am not sure if they perceive it.. ).. Friends do meet and call sometimes, I too reciprocate but as I belong to the old school I hardly have sms exchanges. I have always preferred speaking or letter writing. I only drop a text message on the cellphone when I do not expect or need an immediate reply, although, I definitely expect a revert or acknowledgment of the same in some time.

Now I am connected to the world in the same way as I was connected to it six-seven years back, when social networking sites had not taken over the world by a rage. Whether someone agrees to it or not, the whole communication channels have undergone massive reform processes over the last decade and a half. Technology has brought on a revolution which is going to set the trend for the way we are going to live in coming centuries. In my understanding the discovery/creation of the Internet is the biggest after the discovery/invention of Electricity and Nuclear Threat. The first biggest discovery of the man was Fire, second the Language, third was the Screw, fourth the Electricity, fifth the Nuclear capability in the form of an atom bomb and if we survive that, the world will see the sixth in an Advanced form of Internet/connectivity through boxes - small or big, slim or long, mobile or stationed.

A discovery is only significant enough when it dramatically changes the way a man perceives and challenges the world around him. His quest for a win over nature is as old as himself and these discoveries have boosted his moral towards the same. Only if he could understand that winning will not take him anywhere..Moreover as an aberration, his relentless pursuit of victory over nature distances him from his fellow beings, who will be Lost in the frantic race to Win.

..Overall life has a lot to offer when a person has time to listen to its music. I am in less comm with outer world but more with the inner, trying to tune in with what destiny has to offer. Technology has provided the biggest gift of bringing all of us together and nearer than ever before.. let me hope it serves its true purpose in the hands of the whimsical Man. 

Time will tell..

It is exactly a month today. 29^th of September’12 will be a date always remembered.

I am happy of what I found within me on that day. It was long due. A month of introspection probably cleared the remaining grey shadows of earlier grey spots and life is clearer than ever. There is no confusion and disagreement between the mind and the heart now; they both sing the same song.

I believe in the theory of rebirth and past lives. I do not know the reasons quite well, but I see its existence. Normally, we connect dots in our lives since our birth for this very life, and find it puzzling and confusing at times to find that the dots do not connect. It is natural for us to do so, as our memory allows us to only see things from our birth and not beyond. Not usually. I suppose it is not easy to recall & remember all the life times at one point of time and then be ready to play another game separately in the form of this life. The associations we had made earlier would call us, the fights we have fought will push us, the sins we have committed will demoralize us and our earlier promises will keep haunting us. So nature has put on a Forgotten Implant which gets triggered the moment we change the body. We forget the past; we are in today to play another game....

But there is a catch. The past will never leave us, we will always be moved by that, unknowingly. The implant works on the mind at a superficial level only, only till it reaches our memories, so that we indulge in today’s life with a full heart. But the mind functions from deep within, it keeps a track of all we have done and calculates and plan today’s actions with all past charges. What is the way out?

There is one. We get into the layers beneath, we overcome few of the FIs ( Forgotten Implants) and take responsibility for past actions and get charge out of them. We see them " as is " and the track is simplified, those past actions loose their charge on future. We are free of those sins we committed. It is a gradual process and takes long time and hard focus till we do it for most of our past, thus creating happiness for today and tomorrows to come. The time taken could be few lifetimes though.

..When I connected the dots for myself, I reached a little past. I saw that we had been together earlier as one, and I saw why we parted ways in today; we wanted to test a life without each other for fun. We promised each other that we would be back together again, only undermining the impact of the Forgotten Implant. We gave each other an identity which we carry till today so that it would help us recognize each other; just that she does not know about it anymore. Just that I also did not know about it until some time back.

..Doesn’t The promise haunt her? Would she recognize me in any life times to come? Would we be back together any time?

Conditioned Minds, Coloured Hearts...

The evening was reserved for “12 Angry Jurors”. I had heard good reviews of the play when it was staged the last time in Kolkata. Even though I was to leave the next day for my Maduranthakam – Bangalore trip of 15 days and packing was incomplete, I decided in favour of going for the play. Vikas also has keen interest in theatre and he used to be a part of it till college days, so I could not refuse when he asked if I would like to join him  for the show. I told him that I would reach “Gyan Manch” before the scheduled time.

I had completed my schooling till class five from “ Abhinav Bharti Bal Mandir”, and “Gyan Manch” was the auditorium for the same school. It was built while we were still studying at the school. It was a Hindi medium school and would offer schooling only till class Five, thus we all had to change our school after that. With the passage of 27 years the school had become a high school and had changed its name to Abhinav Bharti High School. There was no Hindi medium any more, it would only offer studies in English medium. Gyan Manch also had become quite well known and would be in demand for plays, literary functions, lectures, talks, musical evenings and myriad performances involving a gathering of about 400 persons.

I had not entered my school after passing out from there. The last 27 years seem to have flown by in few months. Time flies fast. The moment I reached the gate I felt very nostalgic. I entered and saw that Vikas was buying tickets at the counter which had been set up near the staircase on the other side. Straight from the gate I saw a canteen, I remembered that few school buses would stand there in my time. On the right the garden stood alone in the sideways. It looked much smaller. I waved at Vikas and shouted that I would be back in few minutes. He was at the ticket counter and there were hardly 3-4 guys in the line. Gyan Manch would be on the right hand corner of the premises, diagonally at an angle of 45 degrees to the main gate of the school and the classes would be on the left. I strode into the main school building without asking permission from anyone, as if the whole school still belonged to me. It was evening and all the children must have left 2-3 hours before. The gatekeeper shouted “Where are you going?” I replied “It is my school!” and I just went in without waiting for his acceptance of the same. I could hear his mumblings behind. Who cared? The gate was open and I could see the fresh paint being done on the walls. That smell of the paint could not take over the smell that I still felt after long 27 years, I never knew it was so vivid in my mind and still so alivein my nostrils. The light was dim, there was only one tubelight switched on in the whole corridor. I suddenly felt young, very young, full of life and hope.

I walked beside the prayer room on my left, and then I opened its gate at the end of the corridor. It was all the same except with marble tiles; we had it cemented then. The garden looked very small. The sound of the prayer chanting started playing in the heart and mind:

“Hey Prabho Ananddata, Gyan Hamko Dijiye....” In my mind the flashback reeled on: I saw Ramrajji Masterjee standing head bent and eyes closed in one corner. I saw Nandita Behanji, Gauri Behanji, Anusuya Behanji, Arti Behanji on the sideways with folded hands and I also saw Leela Behanji trying to see if we were properly dressed or not with her sharp eyes and a grin on the face. It all looked real until the creaking of a window pane shook me out of my reverie. I was back at my age, the prayer seemed to be going on in the heart, I could still hear it and my lips followed. I moved back pulling the door and went ahead towards the end of the corridor. After the staircase and at the left end I could see the same ten ,twelve taps in a row, the shape had changed though. We would take the bottle to the school but invariably would drink water from there everyday. It was not packaged drinking water as we get now everywhere, but we felt safe anyway. I remember that till class XII I had been drinking from the taps the same way with one hand on the tap and one below the mouth to collect the water poured from it. I bent myself and drank once again only realising that the last time I did the same here, I had to move myself up. I had grown in height since but am not sure if I know more about life today, than then.

They had made a gate to the canteen at the right side opposite the staircase and I moved in to take a look. The canteen would attach to Gyan Manch. Vikas was there. I called him and invited him for a tour of my school. He was hesitant whether the gatekeepers would allow but then we entered the school through the canteen door. Here we were in front of the staircase. I had already taken a tour of ground floor so I just pulled him with me to first floor. We went up till the balcony on the first floor, I saw the Staff Room at the far end of the corridor on the first floor, it was still at the same space. It had a lock and I wondered if it still had the same seating arrangement and almirahs behind all the chairs with a big board table in the middle. I had butterflies in my stomach… Would Ramrajji Masterjee call me there with my holiday homework copy? I had never done my holiday home work in my whole school life. I could actually never find time for it during holidays and would only think of doing it once school reopened.

I showed Vikas the place in the balcony where we would stand with our friends waiting for the buses to come in . I remembered how I would arrive early as the school was near to my place and wait for my friends to reach by buses. I never had to take a bus for any of my schools. I told him that “Lorry” would also stand near the garden with other buses. He seemed confused; I remembered that he did not know that “Lorry” was name of a bus and was not a truck (a truck is popularly known as Lorry in the Hindi language), I smiled and clarified. He smiled too; I felt as if he was also remembering the names of his school buses which brought a smile on his face. The ground seemed very near. It felt a little confusing. I went to the second floor with him and showed him a place where Lila Behanji had made me stand after making a moustache on me. I could not recall it was for which deed, but I am sure it must have been the holiday home work :P ; In any case she was infamous for making the moustache on children’ faces. Everybody feared her and nobody liked her. What would I do if I meet her now?.. I would probably bow down to touch her feet and then hug her very old, frail body. I felt a respect and attachment for her which I never felt when she taught us. I felt humbled by what all my teachers tried to teach me; only if I could understand it then..

I was in class four and She would sit diagonally opposite to me at the other end. She was very dark but had extremely beautiful eyes, long hair and sharp features. I was too young to understand anything of love then but I very vividly remember looking into her eyes for long to which she would respond equally. We did not speak much but admired each other a lot. We had spent a long time just looking at each other, her eyes were one of the most beautiful eyes I have ever come across till today, very serene and calm. She had left school after class IV and we never met again. Standing in front of my class IV room, I saw her too. She was still looking into my eyes with a slight smile on her face.

So many scenes of those days flashed by in seconds. I do not remember much of my life before class V but whatever I do remember, is all good. The memory of me standing at the same place about 28-29 years back, wearing white half shirt and half pant with black shoes, and speaking to Deepak Bothra, Vikas Saraf, Sachin Kanodia, Devendra Bhargava, Vikas Jaiswal... It seemed unreal, life was so simple and happy then. I wanted to stay back and spend some more time with my memories but the play would start soon. I turned back and glanced at the right. I studied in Montessori there in that hall and on top of the same hall in 3rd floor we had Manovikas Kendra where children with special needs would come to study.  Connecting the dots I understood why I was teaching them now in my spare time and why they still hold a special place in my heart. They were the first impressions of God’s discrimination on my little heart then, still unfazed.

We came back and saw the play. I stood up and applauded the last scene... Isn’t Life all about conditioned minds and coloured hearts? My journey is to know me as I am, as I stand without being biased by morals, customs, society, the world, family, friends, pressures, rules and regulations, the time, the place, the background, the upbringing... the conditions, the colours.

So I accept what I see... wrong or right, dark or bright… and I express what I feel... without conditions, without colours.

Its time You come..

Last Sunday evening was spent with a close friend with theatre again..had gone to see a play, Salt & Pepper, directed by Vikranth Pawar . The cast included Darshan Jariwala, Mandira Bedi, Vikram Kochhar and Kuki Grewal. The play comprised of 10-11 random acts from day-to-day life and ran for about 2 hours in total. Few of the acts were very well directed, with excellent dialogues - which challenges the way you perceive life and makes you think again about the stand you take. A few were humorous and funny,  but the rest were just very commonplace..or it may have been the case that I could not relate to them much.

One has to accept that Darshan Jariwala is really brilliant on stage..a real theatre guy..he was very much into the role and his dialogue delivery seemed spontaneous and flawless. Vikram did not have such complex roles as Jariwala but still managed to do well. Mandira was just about average, ( she is better with the words than with expressions),  and Kuki, ..well, she was just not fit for the stage. She seemed to be lapping up audience attention more than the play itself. Had dialogues not been there, her acting would have really changed the message of the play to God knows what.

The play depicted intra relationship dynamics in various stages of life between people from diverse backgrounds..representing both the male and female perspectives. As I had just been through a very depressing week, and was still not really out of it, dialogues made more sense than what they normally would have..Life travelled intermittently between transience and constancy, between despair and promise..sometimes it seemed brittle but changed form to something more resilient  by intervals..Believe it or not, I could see through the roles, the dialogues, the masks..they spoke of my life and perhaps, of others as well.

Life has taken sharp twists and turns of late and wants to test me again. I want to yell “C’mon, I am ready!..” as usual, but strangely find my voice feeble this time, breaking away....I ponder as I write; O life, I am down, but I accept whatever you throw at me with respect..Didn’t I love challenges!..I am not sure of winning this time, but I will fight back..and I promise to fight back righteously.

Hey Krishna !..Are you listening ?.. Time you come..

Yes or No..?

There is a typical pertinent dilemma - that we face many times over. To say Yes, or to say No !

It could be anywhere, anytime, with anyone and doing anything. The choice can be difficult and confusing. How do we get out of it..how do we solve it..how do we reach to the right answer..?

There are loads of books on teaching us to say “No” and another load of them who encourage us to accept, face the challenges, take risks and say “Yes”.  Where do we ultimately head to..?

Let me share Four simple rules that I made to myself to deal with the dilemma; I do not know whether they reach  to the right answer, Right and Wrong being very relative, but following them definitely makes me feel better.

Rule 1:

Scene 1: If someone asks for something, my first reaction (intentionally) should be to give. If I can bear the loss easily, I should invariably give, keeping it simple. I have eliminated in me the thought process of -  how it will help other, whether it will help other....does not make much sense, I should do what I should do. If one needs it and I can do without it, its his.

Scene 2: If I need what he asks for, I say No.     

         

Scene 3: But when I have high affinity with the person concerned,(close relatives or a good friend), I believe that  he has fair right on my possessions. Even if it demands some pain, I will take it and try to give what is needed.

Scene 4: And if I love the person concerned, (close friends or a little more than friends, he or she), I will always give it. If I do not have but then I can arrange, I will arrange it. If I cannot arrange, then I will try harder to arrange it.... Period. For me, love is uppermost. Nothing lies beyond. I live for it, I do not even mind dying for it.

Rule 2:

Scene 1: Anyone asks me to do something and its not my job, I will direct him to where it can be done.

Scene 2: He persists/insists a little more on me doing it, I will say NO.

Scene 3: A friend asks me to do something, I will try to do unless it is highly demanding; does not matter whether it is my job or not.

Scene 4: If I love the person and he/she asks me to do something; consider it done. No questions asked.

Rule 3:

Scene 1: Someone asks for an advice or suggests a problem of his, I will use my day-to-day self and advise without spending much time over it.

Scene 2: The guy wants more advice than normal, I will charge him.

Scene 3: If its a friend, I will discuss the matters with him/her..contemplate and ponder..will take time to assess his situation..and tell him my mind.

Scene 4: If I love the person, his/her problem is my problem. I will go to the root of the problem, scan the options in mind.. and then if at all I feel  that I am not good enough to understand the problem correctly and think of a permanent solution, I will take help from the experts on it..  discuss what they have to say.. will again take some time.. will pray to the Almighty to give me an insight into it, and, show us the right path.. and then, finally suggest him/her about what my mind says, and,  what my heart speaks.. I will stand beside as long as the problem is not rooted out.

Rule 4:

Scene 1: When I want to do something - I will say Yes and do it.

Scene 2: When I want to do something and it harms another - I will say No, and literally avoid it as much as I can, checking the options without it.

Scene 3: When I want to do something I believe in, but, which the world is not approving of - I will surely do it. I give world's approval a damn; please f*** off and let me live my life - my way.

Scene 4: When I want to do something I believe in, and my friends or loved ones go against the idea, what  will I do?.. I will never say them f*** off ..{ Of course how can I? Can I afford to live without you guys?..Never. Bloody I love you too much to let you go :-)! }....What then?.. I will simply smile - and do it anyway :P. I know my loved ones would be angry for the time being, but they will be back, grinning though ;). And moreover, would I not be ready to face their wrath ;)....I know what I have to say to them: ..Agli baar nahi karenge yaar, chhor na.. jaan lega kya ab bachhe ki ....yaar, maloom tere ko, kitna mazaa aa raha tha ;):P!....and how much I missed you then :P....Love you na :-)!

....

The above rules really help in taking quick decisions for a Yes or a No! . They keep my happiness quotient high; things seem easier; and life - more simple.

Try and see, if they work with you as well ..:-)!..and remember to let me know. I will eagerly be waiting for your feedback !

What are you Writing..

If one really needs to understand a person and his mind, what needs to be looked at is how and what he writes, rather than where and what he says. What he says comes out of his social conditioning, habits, and circumstances whereas what he writes comes out of his mind and soul. It is rooted deeper and portrays a vivid picture of his heart and mind.

When a person writes, he puts his mind into framing words and sentences. He never knows but his heart is fully involved in the process as well. He will choose what is closest to his mind and heart. He may or may not be so good with usage of words or vocabulary of language, but, what still will be reflected out of his writings, will be his true viewpoint towards others and life in general.

The writings will suggest the timeframe he lives with i.e. whether he lives in his past, present or future. At the same time it will also show the degree of his foresightedness. It will give us important clues on the way he looks at life and what he understands out of it. It will say about how he perceives people around him and what he thinks of them. It will also reflect his faith, in destiny and in himself. It will talk about his likes and dislikes....It will tell us all.

What the person says reflects more of his past whereas what he writes depicts his plans for future, the way he wants to take on his life.

A very interesting research & survey was done on this. The participants had a detailed five interview sessions with experts of different fields, which would cover the topics like their aspirations, goals, private life, career orientation, etiquettes, manners and many more aspects of life in general. A psychoanalysis round was also done with few tests and drills. The notes on each participant by the interviewer was noted down and kept in a separate file specially made for the purpose. Then 100 words were given to the participants and they were asked to make five sentences from each word. After the same were submitted to jury, there was a startling discovery to be made. It was found out that the participants had unknowingly given a lot of clues in their writings about themselves which would corroborate exactly with their earlier interview session outcomes. They suggested in their sentence making session about positivity or negativity of life, the difficulties they faced in present circumstances, their dreams and aspirations, what they loved and hated, how they see their country and economy, what they thought of platonic love, and, so many other aspects of their private life as well. It was easier to read into their minds and compare as they all were writing on the same words.

Funny but true that we all give away so much of ourselves when we write. But don’t we write for the same… to share our thoughts, dreams and viewpoints with our fellow men!